Blue skies shinin' on me, nothin' but blue skies is all I see.

It occured to me while reading my blog that I have not written any thing of consequence on here since... well, like, ever. But it's safe to say that alot has changed for me since then. Like for instance; I guess I am officially ETSU bound for the fall. I move in August which is an exciting change because it is a part of the plan and therefore doesn't flip me out like change usually does... Also, I no longer work at Ruby Tuesday, in fact, I have been at the soul-sucking abiss that I call my [new] job for almost a year now. It's hard to believe. Anyway, it is a gym and it is called Court South. And it's not what you're picturing, either. It's kinda like... gilded, if that makes since, because it's got National Fitness's name on it but once you actually go you realize that it is a shit hole. Kinda like a car with a great paint job that doesn't run or something. Anyway, that's my job; won't be for long though. Over the course of this blog I have also happily rid myself of the heavy, heavy burden that was my relationship, spent eight amazing months dating myself and loving myself and treating myself better than he ever could, all followed by [in]conveniently falling in love with the next poor shmuck that decided to try to make me happy. That's a joke. Not the new relationship part, the poor schmuck part. We are currently basking in the joy and excitment of new love and holding off on the more serious and less fun crap for a while. He is my cup of tea. His name is Collin Donoghue (great name) and he's perfect.

Oh, except one thing. It's Mackenzie's brother. It's been a long and windy road. I'll spare you the boring details but you should know things were fine, then a little rough, and now they seem to be on the mend. We'll see how it goes.

Then there was the biggest and most important change. I'm not really sure what you want to call it. It was an accident. It was on October 29, 2010. Seven months have passed and I have written nothing, not because it didn't matter, wasn't relevant, or I didn't want to talk about it. Actually, it is the one thing that is always on my mind. Always. I guess you could say a simple lack for words has caused me to just go on writing about something easier or more fun. It's not really a lack of words as much as it is the inability to put them into sentences with the kind of diction, tone, unity, emphasis, coherence, mechanics, organization (and any other writing element that you can think of) that would do any justice to the story. That would give reader an adaptation of the story that could remotely compare to the way it all actually happened. So you see the words are not the problem. They were actually really easy to come up with.

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Resignation.

Okay, I guess I can't take all the credit for that.

But they pretty much cover it. Except for the fear. There has been fear every step of the way. And a LOT of frustration.

Anyway, they say that God doesn't give you anything you can't handle. Let's just hope that is true. The worst part is that everyone feels this pain. Everyone is suffering, and there are no reasons, no answers. Nobody gains from this, nobody wins, everyone loses; there is no light at the end of the tunnle, and no way to get back what has been lost. And everyone has lost.

As far as I can tell, there is no apparent redemption for the past seven months and all that they have entailed and inflicted. No salvation. Nothing to look forward to. Just one punch in the gut after another. And, oh, how each one hurts!

Until next time...